The Useless & The Nameless
by Jari-chan
Summary: A slight Ken/Chikusa story. Chikusa POV


Just a short fic I did a while ago during work *coughs* It's slightly Ken x Chikusa. Even though nothing really happens in this story xD

Well, neither Ken nor Chikusa are mine (really? O.ô) and thanks to Plastiq Banny for beta reading (No, I did not force her to… it was corruption x3)

**The Useless & The Nameless**

He never thought that there would be someone more important to him as Mukuro. He was the one who saved him. So he never really realized the other one. Sure, he was another one of their victims, another one who had to suffer. But to him, he only existed. It's not like they were brothers or even soulmates. They haven't even a friendship. Until Mukuro appeared… did he bring them closer? Was he the one who made them become something like… friends? Or were they just bound together in this what Mukuro has done for them? Bound together in their adoration to Mukuro…

He always wondered what it would feel like being loved… or to love. Sometimes he thought that this what he felt for his savior was love, but always came back to the result that he was unable for something as human as love. He wasn't born to love, he wasn't even born to exist. He shouldn't be alive, but he was, anyway. Spending the time asking himself if there's more to live then just to wander around in endless pain.

Sometimes, when he took a look at the Vongolas, their helpless care for each other, the worries about the other ones, the fund and friendship they enjoyed, the wondered, why he couldn't be one of them. But.. Actually, wasn't he also part of them? Mukuro, the guardian of the Mist, was. And Mukuro is his famiglia, so why…?

Stop! How ridiculous! He could never be like this. Never.

He opened up his eyes. Darkness was the same like everywhere. Years ago he was wishing for another kind of darkness. The kind of darkness you can find peace in, lthe one who let it all go away, who let you fall. But something like this doesn't exist. Darkness stayed the same. Wherever you hide, wherever you run to. It doesn't change.

How long has it been since Mukuro had disappeared? He had stopped counting the days, he couldn't even say, when day ended and night began. Mukuro was the sun, who had made the darkness a little less dark, and the two of them were like the planets orbiting their epicenter.

Now they were just two rocks hovering around in outer space and sometimes collide. But now he admitted, the times they collided… he was enjoying them. A little bit of human contact. Maybe…

He felt a cold shudder overrunning his skin. There was a longing inside of him, he just couldn't understand. Maybe it was because of the incertitude what'll happen next. If something's going to happen at all.

A loud noise woke him from his apathy. "Kakii-pi, where are you hiding? Come out you coward!"

"No, I won't", he whispered to himself.

Outside something broke.

He was loud and noisy, couldn't stand still for a moment and always said things like "You taste good!". once he really has bitten him, what an animal…

He heard him calling his name again. A little softer. Or was this just his imagination? Doesn't matter. "Chikusa?!" Again. And again. He turned over. "No, go away." Nobody could hear him. Just those monsters hiding somewhere inside his head.

Over and over again the voices of the past. They've gotten stronger since Mukuro has gone. It was useless, he knew. If he just lay there, acting like nothing has ever happened, maybe they would give up chasing after him.

He once was outside, hunting Namimori-students, when he heard two girls talking. "He has to have blond hair! Blond is the best!" - "Natural blond is so beautiful!", agreed the other girl. They started giggling while passing by. He could've just killed them.

"Blond is nothing special. It's nothing", he murmured. "There's nothing special about him! Nothing… at all." His quiet voice was nothing more than a whisper.

Cold walls. Was it only his mind or did the walls get closer and colder every day? When you are waiting for something so bad, you're starting to see things that don't exist. Something was not right, something was broken. Why were they unable to live without Mukuro? Because both of them would be dead by now. Without him, Mukuro.

He couldn't feel his body anymore. It's not like that it would really matter, anyway. Why should he move, why should he even breathe? There was no need for him to do so. Mukuro gave him a reason. But now Mukuro was gone and no one knew, when he would return. So, who's going to give him a reason to life now?

An enormous crash let him startle up. "Kakii-pi, I've found you!"

He sighed. "And?"The other one came nearer. "Nah, now it's your turn!"

"My turn?"

"Does Kakii-pi really don't know how to play Hide and Seek?"

"Ken, I'm really not in the mood for playing stupid children's games." He still hadn't turned around, but he felt a gaze on his back. Like an animal which has found it's prey.

"But Kakii-pi! It was your idea!"

"First: That was meant cynically and second: Don't call me Kakii-pi." He wanted to turn over and face this stranger, his enemy, but his body didn't move. Maybe it was dead…

Silence. For a long time. He felt the air in his lungs, so he was still alive. It can't be helped… He just wanted to close his eyes to make the darkness around him complete again, as he felt two arms around him. Before he could say anything to make the other one stop it, he was raised and in the next moment he was dropped.

Due to the impact he realized that he still could feel pain. He opened his eyes and found himself at a place in front of an old window. The sun was warm and a bird was cheeping outside. He threw a curious look at the other.

"Keh, I don't care if you want to freeze to death. But Mukuro sure doesn't want to see you dead, when he comes back", then he left.

So he sat there, just looking out the window where life went it's way. Was it an hour or a half since he sat there? No noise that destroyed the peace. And he felt the warmth of the sun on his face. Suddenly he knew that Mukuro would come back. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but he would never leave them alone. No, he wouldn't.

But now the other came back into his mind. Because it was way to silent. A sudden fear flamed up in him. Has he gone? And left him here all alone? Without any guarantee that someone ever would come back? No, he didn't want to be left behind!

His legs were still weak, but determinedly he took the same way out as the other one.

He had searched him everywhere. Every room, every possible place to hide, but all he found was emptiness. 'Now everybody's gone', he admitted to himself and gave in his helplessness. He couldn't understand it. Was it that wrong for him to be alive? No, Mukuro would come and save him again. He stood in an empty hallway. No one around. Neither enemy nor friend.

"Damn Ken, where have you gone?!", he screamed at the walls.

A loud noise, a scream and out of a sudden… he lay on the floor, face down. And something was sitting on his back.

"So, was Kakii-pi looking for me? Keh, I've been buying some food for you, since you're looking like you could starve anytime. I am nice, aren't I?"

With Ken on his back, he couldn't even breath. But the anger about this perfidious attack still wasn't that strong to keep back the upcoming sense of pleasure about the fact that he wasn't left alone.

"I'm glad you're back", Chikusa said.

"Eh, are you smiling?"

"No, I'm not."

But he was, a small little smile, and even if he couldn't see that, because he was still lying on the ground, Ken was smiling, too.


End file.
